Another New Beginning

sunrise

Two years ago, I took the leap and changed careers.

I left a high-pressured, deadline-driven, yet well-paying, professional job to pursue my dream of becoming a writer.

The motivation for the change?

A year earlier, I had lost a loved one to a terminal illness. The experience had a profound effect on me. It forced me to re-evaluate my life and what I wanted from it.

For seven years, I had worked in a field that was challenging. But it wasn’t right for me.

I knew I could no longer continue on that path. I had to make a change. I had to start following my heart again. Over the years, as life happened, I had stopped doing that.

It was time for a new beginning. A time to write, to travel, to see the world. A time to live life on my terms, be true to myself, and live more authentically.

At least, that was my intention

I spent a year preparing myself, getting ready to leave my job, and taking the leap as a freelancer.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, as I transitioned from my old life to my new one, I stopped listening to my intuition, that inner voice that’s wise and knows what’s best for me.

Instead, I allowed my fears, and other people’s expectations of me, to influence my decisions.

That’s when things began to go wrong

As excited as I was to take the leap, I was also afraid of so many things: the unknown, the uncertainty, the possibility of failure, and even the possibility of success.

I also knew I had a lot to prove to those who questioned my decision.

To lessen my fears and disprove others, I worked hard to control my outside circumstances. I did my best to play it safe: I followed what the experts said; I used others as a model of how I should do things; and I created a website that looked professional. But it wasn’t me.

I had forced myself into a box, trying to be like everyone else

As the months went by, I struggled. I slowly got my writing business off the ground, but it didn’t feel right. And it didn’t go far. It wasn’t the kind of writing career I wanted. I felt like a phony, trying to be someone I wasn’t.

“This isn’t the right path for you,” my intuition told me again and again. But I ignored her. My fear of failure pushed me to keep going and to keep trying. And to keep pretending.

Eventually, I lost my creativity, my voice, and my confidence

I couldn’t write anymore. Not authentically. I was struck.

I’d like to tell you that I woke up one day, realized my mistakes, made the necessary changes, and things got better. Just like that.

It didn’t work that way. It rarely does.

It took me over a year to see what I was doing to myself. Then another year of facing hard truths and learning tough life lessons. It was a gradual process. And it wasn’t easy. There were many times when I wanted to give up.

But I knew that if I wanted to get unstuck, I had to be real with myself. And I had to learn to trust my intuition again.

I also had to give myself permission to say, “This is not working for me. I need to go in a different direction.”

And that’s what I’ve decided to do.

It’s time for another new beginning

I still feel passionate about living life on my terms, being true to myself, and living more authentically. After the last two years, I have a greater appreciation for what that really means.

There was a time when I had to have all the answers when it came to my new writing career.

Today, I’m okay admitting that I don’t have all the answers. I have some ideas of how I want to do things differently, but I’m also open to letting things play out. I want to give myself that freedom and flexibility.

No more trying to force myself, a  square peg, into a round hole. I’m going to give my writing a chance to evolve naturally, on its own.

My main priority is to be authentic. Be real. Be me. I want my creativity back. My voice. And my confidence in my writing.

I want to start writing again. From the heart.

*****

I’m a writer, and this site as my personal writer’s blog. A place to allow my writing to grow and evolve. And to share my writing with others.

I’d love for you to join me on the journey to living and writing more authentically.

Please read on, share this site with friends, and come back soon.

* Photo credit: Image from Flickr by whologwhy